thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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