the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
