Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
