a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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