I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
