I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
