had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
