You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
