He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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