also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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