Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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