Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
