And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
