quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
