I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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