Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
