She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
