Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
