sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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