hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
