grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
