There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
