You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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