if you like me you must not know who I am
Acid is not a monday night drug
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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