wat bout pragnant strippers??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
