No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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