i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
