M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
