I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
