Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
