It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
