I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
