Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
