Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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