i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
