she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
