Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
