I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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