Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
