Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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