I just made out with a guy for $7.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
