i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
