I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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