and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
