i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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