I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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