He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
