he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
