I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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