My hand turned me down
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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