I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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