I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just gargled with NyQuil
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize