Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
