he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
