remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
