I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
kristin has been a bad kristin
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Say something about gay babies.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
