also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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