My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
