Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
