only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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