looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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