I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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