it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize