you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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