Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
