man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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