i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
