And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize