Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
