The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
