its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize