doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
