Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
