If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
