I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
