That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
