we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
