It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize